stray cat

I love my pets. My ever so spoiled love of my life fish Sir Ivan Indigo and my two hermit crabs, the lively Xena and albino Pooki. But oh how I want a cat.

Someone please tell the clock to stop it's tick tick ticking.
There is a defiance in the way that it refuses to end. Going onward without care. And as time refuses to stand still I can not stop from moving. My leg twitches and my mind aches to get get let go. Have I gone yet? Grab my rollerskates and glide away from this...
Follow me

When someone you love dies the impact is so deeply felt that your lungs will no longer allow breath.
Tuesday. My Lenny died. I have known this man since the age of three. He was almost a replacement father for me. When i was eleven or twelve my mom and i had a big falling-out and I lost touch with him for a time. Last year I called him and we spent a day together. I didn't do a top-notch job of keeping in touch with him. I'd call on his birthday and thanksgiving and christmas and if I randomly could. It wasn't that I never thought of him just that well, i really have no reason I guess.
This intense feeling of guilt overcomes me in that I should have called him and seen him more. Damn me. And now he's gone and I've so many questions I want to ask him. I would say "All I'm left with is..." but the truth is that this man filled me with such joy and knowledge that I will never be able to be without a single memory of Lenny.
I am forever indebted to him for the love he always given to me.
My Lenny,
Thank you
I love you
I love you
I love you

Fuck!
Anitoch College said no to admitting me as well. Fucking sweet. If I don't get into Agnes Scott I'm going to have to go to toledo. This means I'll eather be living with my sister or my mom.
My stomache aches with lack of sleep, hunger, sadness, stress, and just some kind of pain.
I'd cry but I'm not sure it will do anything but just give me a headache

Hollins said they can't admit me at this time
I'm going to go sulk

Isn't high school over yet!?! Three months and counting. I long for the days of getting up to go to class after 6am. I called my admissions lady at Hollins University and she told me that the admittance team is meeting today so I should know within the next few days if I'm in or not. She is going to personally call me to let me know so i don't have do wait longer to get the letter. I wish I already knew. After the dissapointing blow from Bryn Mawr I'm trying not to hope for too much but I can't help it. New state brings new possabilities, not to mention that all girls schools brings a whole new community of lesbians...
I gotta get outta here!

Finishing what I'm told is "the best painting I've seen you do yet" I see that I have become way too close to this women in my painting.
How the hell do you get close to someone who is 2-D and made up of thick layers of oil?
good question
And yet she is such a part of me. She has no name and no real face to speak of. She just lays accross that table upon her book, with coffie and cigarette in hand, turned away from me. And yet I feel her in my gut. I should be working on my second oil by now but I am unwilling to stop with her. I have no intention of making her perfect or winning anything with her but she has become my companion.
Perhappse it is not a good thing to put so much of yourself into a painting. She is full of lonelness and self reliance that echo in my own soul. And when I'm done... well may be that is the problem: what to do when I'm done with her.

You are Shane. You turn heads when you walk in the

room. Everybody wants a piece of you. You

rock bluejeans and sunglasses like some

people rock boats. You are mysterious and

deep, at least that's what you let people

think. You are good in bed and bad in

relationships. Your hair is famously kickin.


Which character from The L Word are YOU?
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this past week I have felt like a toxic mess. Everything I'd had suddenly turned into a mess. From Kelly to Kat to grades to everything else I can think has become awful and broken.
I still can't cry

Kelly doesnt want us to talk to each other anymore. This came as a shock to me given that she and i just spent this past weekend together at her appartment. She wasnts to break off all contact. says we are going in two different directions in our own life and that we just can be together. This! After all she and i have struggled through. It wont be fixed this time. Forget our history. No kissing in the backseat, no making out against a tree, no adventures to places I've never been and no waterfalls either. I haven't cried yet. Not that any amount of crying can fix this.
I wish I could cry

Truely a disapointment.Bryn Mawr denid my admission. It was a long shot in thefirst place but i reallydid want it. When i called my mom to tell her the news she seemed complealty unconcerned i guess i shouldnt have expected so much from her but i did anyhow. dumb o my part. my art teacher Mrs Frankenfield was so sweet about the whole thing that she gave me a big hug and encouraged me to try for a different schol in ohio thatshe had heard to bea hippie town.so i applied to Antioch( the hippie school) and we shall see what happens

headache, tired, and a stomach ache that feels like it's eating threw my abdomin. Going to be a good day. Fuck!
Something appears to be wrong with Kelly and I. Wish she'd tell me what it is... but she wont.
If I can't find something satisfyingly amusing to do tonight I might scream. I know if I don't stay amused I'll just try to sleep the whole night away. And thats no fun on my night off from work.

I haven't been to school in the last week. Doctors couldn't pin point what the fuck was wrong but i was feverish and my tonsils were puffy... ewwww! anyhow, on some good meds and pretty well better. Would have been better sooner if I didn't have a two day migrane to add to the sick. but I'm just bitching.
Well, to all who know what I'm talking about, the feminist hair that I worked so hard to grow for the last six months has been shaved. Sad, I know. But it's alright.
I'm in youngstown at the moment with Kelly and so ya I'm gonna be going so I can go hang with her in her bed....
~wink~ I love my life somedays

Got my first tattoo! Christmas gift from my father that we just got around to getting done this past saturday. It's an old Leo sign representing the tail of a lioness in black on my left breast. It cut like a knife but that fact that Laura was my tattoo artist helped a bit, when a hot girl who's a friend of yours is grabbing your nude boob, your pain doesn't really seem to hurt as badly. Hurts alot and all but let me tell you I'm very happy about it.
Kelly came to town to vist. Displaying all her loveliness. She's going off to the navy and all but ya know, well, I know that I love her and always will.
Ugh

Learn to pay your cell phone bill
Don't get caught for theft
Stop being gloomy
get your ass into gear with college applications
get rid of this non stop stomache pain

It's 4F. Did I mention i hate cold.
So, an interesting last week of which i have no desire to get into detail. So lets just say I was suspended for 7 days becuase I need to keep my hands in my poket and my mouth shut tight. Choose your battles young feline!
More to follow.....

It's 4F. Did I mention i hate cold.
So, an interesting last week of which i have no desire to get into detail. So lets just say I was suspended for 7 days becuase I need to keep my hands in my poket and my mouth shut tight. Choose your battles young feline!
More to follow.....

So it's december and oh how it shows in the weather. I'ts cold as hell and there is about 3 inches of snow. Fucking cold!
So I was out shopping and they brought those Tamagotchi things back out. You remember those electronic pet things that like everyone had in 4th grade. Ya well they have them again and i bought one because... actually i don't know why
My senior pictures have been ordered and should be ready to pick up on the 20th
Waiting to see Kelly sometime soon.
Ummmm....
I don't know. I'm sure that there is other shit but I've no idea exactally what.

It's rachel's 18th birthday. I'm going to make her dye her hair and then I can use and abuse her adulthood. Yes!
My head hurts like hell and my back is in knots.
Kelly's exgirl/roomate moved out on her yesterday. Which is fine cuz she hates her, but the fucking bitch took her dog!!!! Get Emma back kelly!

so i tried to update last night and computers hate me. so lets try this again, only condenced.
RENT is fucking amazing, i've seen it twice.
One of my friends huband's friends (try to stay with me on that one) who is in Iraq stuck a loaded gun in her mouth. I only care because I've seen pictures of this amazingly hot dyke!!!! and that sucks....
Ummm... kelly might be comming by soon. It appears that she really is going to the navy.
ummmmm.... more to come