stray cat

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 18:48:13 GMT

I love my pets. My ever so spoiled love of my life fish Sir Ivan Indigo and my two hermit crabs, the lively Xena and albino Pooki. But oh how I want a cat.

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 17:15:56 GMT

Someone please tell the clock to stop it's tick tick ticking.
There is a defiance in the way that it refuses to end. Going onward without care. And as time refuses to stand still I can not stop from moving. My leg twitches and my mind aches to get get let go. Have I gone yet? Grab my rollerskates and glide away from this...
Follow me

My Lenny

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 19:27:32 GMT

When someone you love dies the impact is so deeply felt that your lungs will no longer allow breath.
Tuesday. My Lenny died. I have known this man since the age of three. He was almost a replacement father for me. When i was eleven or twelve my mom and i had a big falling-out and I lost touch with him for a time. Last year I called him and we spent a day together. I didn't do a top-notch job of keeping in touch with him. I'd call on his birthday and thanksgiving and christmas and if I randomly could. It wasn't that I never thought of him just that well, i really have no reason I guess.
This intense feeling of guilt overcomes me in that I should have called him and seen him more. Damn me. And now he's gone and I've so many questions I want to ask him. I would say "All I'm left with is..." but the truth is that this man filled me with such joy and knowledge that I will never be able to be without a single memory of Lenny.
I am forever indebted to him for the love he always given to me.
My Lenny,
Thank you
I love you
I love you
I love you

strike 3

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 12:55:36 GMT

Fuck!
Anitoch College said no to admitting me as well. Fucking sweet. If I don't get into Agnes Scott I'm going to have to go to toledo. This means I'll eather be living with my sister or my mom.
My stomache aches with lack of sleep, hunger, sadness, stress, and just some kind of pain.
I'd cry but I'm not sure it will do anything but just give me a headache

strike 2

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 12:31:12 GMT

Hollins said they can't admit me at this time
I'm going to go sulk

I've gotta get outta here

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 13:10:23 GMT

Isn't high school over yet!?! Three months and counting. I long for the days of getting up to go to class after 6am. I called my admissions lady at Hollins University and she told me that the admittance team is meeting today so I should know within the next few days if I'm in or not. She is going to personally call me to let me know so i don't have do wait longer to get the letter. I wish I already knew. After the dissapointing blow from Bryn Mawr I'm trying not to hope for too much but I can't help it. New state brings new possabilities, not to mention that all girls schools brings a whole new community of lesbians...
I gotta get outta here!

the painting I can't seem to name

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 18:49:38 GMT

Finishing what I'm told is "the best painting I've seen you do yet" I see that I have become way too close to this women in my painting.
How the hell do you get close to someone who is 2-D and made up of thick layers of oil?
good question
And yet she is such a part of me. She has no name and no real face to speak of. She just lays accross that table upon her book, with coffie and cigarette in hand, turned away from me. And yet I feel her in my gut. I should be working on my second oil by now but I am unwilling to stop with her. I have no intention of making her perfect or winning anything with her but she has become my companion.
Perhappse it is not a good thing to put so much of yourself into a painting. She is full of lonelness and self reliance that echo in my own soul. And when I'm done... well may be that is the problem: what to do when I'm done with her.

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 20:12:49 GMT

You are Shane. You turn heads when you walk in the

room. Everybody wants a piece of you. You

rock bluejeans and sunglasses like some

people rock boats. You are mysterious and

deep, at least that's what you let people

think. You are good in bed and bad in

relationships. Your hair is famously kickin.

Which character from The L Word are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

Not A Pretty Girl

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 12:36:32 GMT

this past week I have felt like a toxic mess. Everything I'd had suddenly turned into a mess. From Kelly to Kat to grades to everything else I can think has become awful and broken.
I still can't cry

to the teeth

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 12:46:37 GMT

Kelly doesnt want us to talk to each other anymore. This came as a shock to me given that she and i just spent this past weekend together at her appartment. She wasnts to break off all contact. says we are going in two different directions in our own life and that we just can be together. This! After all she and i have struggled through. It wont be fixed this time. Forget our history. No kissing in the backseat, no making out against a tree, no adventures to places I've never been and no waterfalls either. I haven't cried yet. Not that any amount of crying can fix this.
I wish I could cry

bryn mawr

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 12:37:54 GMT

Truely a disapointment.Bryn Mawr denid my admission. It was a long shot in thefirst place but i reallydid want it. When i called my mom to tell her the news she seemed complealty unconcerned i guess i shouldnt have expected so much from her but i did anyhow. dumb o my part. my art teacher Mrs Frankenfield was so sweet about the whole thing that she gave me a big hug and encouraged me to try for a different schol in ohio thatshe had heard to bea hippie town.so i applied to Antioch( the hippie school) and we shall see what happens

can't get right

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 15:37:34 GMT

headache, tired, and a stomach ache that feels like it's eating threw my abdomin. Going to be a good day. Fuck!
Something appears to be wrong with Kelly and I. Wish she'd tell me what it is... but she wont.
If I can't find something satisfyingly amusing to do tonight I might scream. I know if I don't stay amused I'll just try to sleep the whole night away. And thats no fun on my night off from work.

just call me shameless

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 19:34:23 GMT

I haven't been to school in the last week. Doctors couldn't pin point what the fuck was wrong but i was feverish and my tonsils were puffy... ewwww! anyhow, on some good meds and pretty well better. Would have been better sooner if I didn't have a two day migrane to add to the sick. but I'm just bitching.
Well, to all who know what I'm talking about, the feminist hair that I worked so hard to grow for the last six months has been shaved. Sad, I know. But it's alright.
I'm in youngstown at the moment with Kelly and so ya I'm gonna be going so I can go hang with her in her bed....
~wink~ I love my life somedays

it cuts like a knife not a needle!

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 18:42:23 GMT

Got my first tattoo! Christmas gift from my father that we just got around to getting done this past saturday. It's an old Leo sign representing the tail of a lioness in black on my left breast. It cut like a knife but that fact that Laura was my tattoo artist helped a bit, when a hot girl who's a friend of yours is grabbing your nude boob, your pain doesn't really seem to hurt as badly. Hurts alot and all but let me tell you I'm very happy about it.
Kelly came to town to vist. Displaying all her loveliness. She's going off to the navy and all but ya know, well, I know that I love her and always will.
Ugh

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 15:41:59 GMT

Learn to pay your cell phone bill
Don't get caught for theft
Stop being gloomy
get your ass into gear with college applications
get rid of this non stop stomache pain

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 12:29:32 GMT

It's 4F. Did I mention i hate cold.
So, an interesting last week of which i have no desire to get into detail. So lets just say I was suspended for 7 days becuase I need to keep my hands in my poket and my mouth shut tight. Choose your battles young feline!
More to follow.....

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 12:29:31 GMT

Fuck the coldness

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 12:29:53 GMT

So it's december and oh how it shows in the weather. I'ts cold as hell and there is about 3 inches of snow. Fucking cold!
So I was out shopping and they brought those Tamagotchi things back out. You remember those electronic pet things that like everyone had in 4th grade. Ya well they have them again and i bought one because... actually i don't know why
My senior pictures have been ordered and should be ready to pick up on the 20th
Waiting to see Kelly sometime soon.
Ummmm....
I don't know. I'm sure that there is other shit but I've no idea exactally what.

oh to be older

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 12:25:06 GMT

It's rachel's 18th birthday. I'm going to make her dye her hair and then I can use and abuse her adulthood. Yes!
My head hurts like hell and my back is in knots.
Kelly's exgirl/roomate moved out on her yesterday. Which is fine cuz she hates her, but the fucking bitch took her dog!!!! Get Emma back kelly!

cumputers are the devil

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 12:31:02 GMT

so i tried to update last night and computers hate me. so lets try this again, only condenced.
RENT is fucking amazing, i've seen it twice.
One of my friends huband's friends (try to stay with me on that one) who is in Iraq stuck a loaded gun in her mouth. I only care because I've seen pictures of this amazingly hot dyke!!!! and that sucks....
Ummm... kelly might be comming by soon. It appears that she really is going to the navy.
ummmmm.... more to come

stupid clown

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 19:33:58 GMT

I've been courting two women, nether of which is the one I'm in love with. One who fucked me over once and yet seems to have a devotion to me. The other is wonderfully attractive, not to mention an amazing kisser, but I feel a disadvantage comming along. Well the disadvantage already seems to be that nether of us drive and as a result we barely see each other. Working together is nice in that we can see each other but I'm also her higher athority, not thst I've ever had to tell her about something she has done wrong. And there we go again in that nether of these girls are Kelly. DAMN IT! get over it. Mabie she'll never leave me, she'll just leach onto my heart and ache even when I fall in love again.

it's back

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 20:12:23 GMT

Cell phone is back on. Ooops... will never forget to pay bills again.
I have mysterious brusing all over my body; a deep one on my upper arm, several on my legs and two on my back. My theory is that they showed up while i was sick in bed, lying there wanting to die. Prolly just bumped into something or it was because I was so dehidrated. Anyhow it looks pretty bad.
I gotta get my ass into gear and do my British lit paper but I'm avoiding it. It'll get done and be fine.
Work today. As always. Training someone else, just like yesterday and the day before that. Oh well, I have friday and sat off so I'm happy.

phones

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 20:18:43 GMT

PS
dont forget to pay your phone bill.
Mine is currently shut off. Ooops... it will be back on soon

Art

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 19:50:29 GMT

Just returned from our field trip to the Toledo Museum of Art. It was pretty nice to be with Rachel and Mrs. Frankenfield all day in a place that held amazing works of art, but it did have its downfalls, like my tour guide. We were split into small groups and went off to their own ways. My guide was a prickish 'know-it-all' who kept making sexist comments at me when he hurd that I wanted to major in gender studies. What a prick. But anyhow.
I have to work today, as always, actually I don't have to on friday, which is rare. I took it off to hang out with Matt and Colleen but they recently broke up so Colleen isn't going to be in BG and i don't really want to be around just Matt. He has this thing about me, about the way he looks at me, and it makes me feel awful, like he's molesting me with his eyes.
I think Ivan is getting on with his life, he's not as active and no were near as aggressive. I think he's just getting old. Poor guy. He's the love of my life and i don't know what I'll do if he dies. I'll cry for sure, he is very well loved. LONG LIVE SIR IVAN INDIGO

question of the day

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 14:04:21 GMT

do i still love her? I know I do.
Does she still love me?